


You’re okay

by youthfullyxhappy



Category: Andi Mack - Fandom, Cyrus Goodman/ TJ Kippen - Fandom
Genre: Andi Mack - Freeform, Happish Ending, M/M, Sad, Tyrus - Freeform, tw self harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-31
Updated: 2019-03-31
Packaged: 2019-12-30 03:21:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18307154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youthfullyxhappy/pseuds/youthfullyxhappy
Summary: TJ has a bad panic arrack during a depressive episode and Cyrus is there for him





	You’re okay

“I’m not enough.” Those words kept echoing through TJ’s head until it was the only sound he could hear. His head started to throb, and tears slowly started pouring out of his eyes. I do not want to feel like this he thought, I just want to feel normal, I just want to feel whole again. The tears suddenly came rushing out of his eyes and he couldn’t stop thinking ‘I’m so fucking weak’ he got off his bed and started to tear his room apart,thinking it would take out his anger and frustration that was bubbling inside him. He threw the grey and blue comforter on the floor, followed by the sheets of constellations,ripping them off like some type of demon possessed him. As soon as he got the sheets off of his bed he punched his mattress as hard as he possibly could, but he still felt numb inside. Thinking that he needed another output he then headed to his desk. He knocked off the alarm clock, shattering the plastic that projected the red numbers, the picture of him and Cyrus on his 15th birthday suddenly fell to the floor littering it tiny pieces of glass, and the last thing on his desk was his grandfather's cross necklace. With all his might he broke the chain in half, the only thing left was the pendant, he put it in his sweatpant pocket. He tried everything but he couldn’t get the rage out; he had this built up for long, the next thing he knows he’s on his bedroom floor rocking back and forth with his arms clutched to his knees. 

Whenever he has an “episode” it’s usually brought on by a trigger but TJ can’t think of any trigger. Right now his life is almost perfect. His grades are amazing, including math, he even got a B+ on the last test, the basketball team hasn’t lost a game yet and hopefully will be heading to states soon, and him and Cyrus are doing amazing, he practically lives at the Goodman’s. He can’t think of why he feels this way. Or why he doesn’t feel at all. His therapist said last week that these episodes can be brought on by little things piling into big things, but what little things are piling in his life to get him to this point?  
Nothing, nothing’s piling, i just feel this way because I’m a fucking waste of space  
TJ then remembers the whole conversation his therapist and him had.  
“Sometimes episodes can have triggers, but they aren’t necessary. You don’t need a trigger to have an episode, you have a chemical imbalance in your brain and it acts up in strange ways. Just remember whenever this happens, you aren’t weak.”  
I don’t need a trigger  
“When this happens let’s have a plan of what you can do okay?”  
“Umm, can I call Cyrus and have him here while we make the plan? It might be easier for me since he’s the first person I go to.”  
“Of course”  
Cyrus, I need Cyrus. TJ thought so he pulled out his phone and texted him.  
To Cy- cy can you come over please  
I really need you right now  
Like as soon as possible  
I’ll be okay till then I promise  
Ambers not home so I have nobody here, it’s just me  
To Teej- I’m on way

Cyrus has never moved as fast as that moment when he received those text messages. He ran down his stairs shouting “TJ’s home alone and needs me, I don’t know when I’ll be back I’ll text you guys when he calms down. I gotta go.” He tore his bike out of the garage and biked as fast as humanly possible to the Kippen household. When he arrived he flew up the stairs into his boyfriends bedroom. He has never saw it this way before. There were no sheets on his bed, glass all over the floor, and some clothes sprawled around, but there was also a sobbing TJ in a ball of blankets. Cyrus lightly said “TJ I’m here. I’m here. What do you need me to do.” He slowly walked up to him, not wanting to startle him, but TJ automatically clung to his arms. When Cyrus entered he heard quite sniffles but now TJ was sobbing, clutching onto the grey fabric of the hoodie Cyrus was wearing. 

“Cyrus! It’s so nice to meet you!” TJ’s therapist, Sam, said  
“Nice to meet you too!”  
“Well TJ wanted you here to talk about what to do when he’s in the middle of a bad episode. We made a little list. TJ why don’t you start off.”  
“Can you announce that you’re there and not automatically hug me. I know how that sounds but sometimes hugging just makes it worse, and sometimes I need it so if I need it during an episode I’ll let you know. Also rubbing my back in little circles and ice water really helps. And breathing. And showers help to.” Sam cut in  
“TJ what did we say about showers. You’re leaving something out.”  
“Before I get in the shower can you go into the bathroom and get all the razors, hair clippers, nail clippers and scissors out? And I’ll leave the door unlocked and cracked open just Incase I need you.” 

Cyrus held TJ in his arms rubbing his back with small circles for about five minutes until his sobs subsided “Hey TJ, stay right here okay.” Cyrus said softly while heading to the bathroom. He looked around the bathroom and took out every sharp object he could find, after that he tripled checked to make sure he didn’t miss anything, he then left the bathroom and placed them in Mr. and Mrs.Kippens bedroom, this way they’ll know he had an episode, he also texted them as soon as he arrived to the house. Cyrus walked back into the torn up bedroom and got to TJ’s seemingly untouched dresser, what actually surprised him. He dug out a pair of dark grey Nike sweatpants, a navy blue NASA tee shirt, and a clean pair of underwear and set them on the toilet seat in the bathroom with a clean towel, and placed a clean washcloth in the shower.  
“Teej, you’re all set to shower now, okay? Make sure to leave the door cracked open, I’ll be right here if you need anything.” TJ simply nodded slumping to the bathroom, Cyrus has never seen his boyfriend look so weak, so drained. 

As TJ showered Cyrus began picking up his bedroom. The first thing he did was get a dustpan and swept up the glass and plastic shards, thankful that TJs bedroom was wooden flooring and not carpet. The next thing he did was go into TJ’s closet and get a clean set of sheets. As he was looking for a set of sheets Cyrus couldn’t help but smile at what a dork his boyfriend was. He didn’t have on pair of plain sheets. 

“CYRUS COME HERE!!! LOOK AT THESE SHEETS THEY ARE SO COOL!”  
“TJ you are almost 16 years old, you do not need a pair of sheets with space ships on them.”  
“Are you kidding me yes I do! I’ll be falling asleep feeling like I’m exploring the sky! I’m buying these and you can’t stop my Cyrus Goodman.”

Cyrus picked up the blue pair of sheets with grey and green space ships all over it, slightly smiling, and started to make TJ’s queen sized bed. After the sheets were on his bed Cyrus debated whether to put the grey and blue comforter back on but decided against it, and got his black and white checkered comforter from the closet. His bed was freshly made with new sheets, new pillowcases, and even a clean comforter! Cyrus took the dirty bedding to the laundry room and turned over the laundry, then headed back into the hallway of the bathroom. “Hey, are you alright T.J.”  
“Yeah, I’m fine. I’m almost done anyway.” And with that he heard the shower turn off. Cyrus headed to the kitchen and got a nice of glass of ice water and some ibuprofen, knowing how TJ’s head gets after crying. He set those down on his night stand and continued picking up the bedroom until it’s the way Cyrus has always seen it. 

TJ steps out of the bathroom in the clothes Cyrus left for him. He looks better than when Cyrus arrived but he still looks defeated. He walks over to Cyrus and asks for a hug, Cyrus quickly obliges pulling the taller boy in for a hug, rubbing his back in smooth circles and whispering positive reinforcement in his ears. TJ is the first one to step away from the hug and look around the room.  
“Cy, you didn’t have to do this for me. I could’ve done it.”  
“I wanted to do it for you. Plus we both know you would’ve put those sheets back on your bed when you needed clean ones anyway.” A smiled appeared on his face with a “you’re right” look in his eyes. TJ motions for them to both sit on the bed and they do, intertwining their fingers. They sit in a nice silence until Cyrus looks at TJ’s arms. He notices the faded scarring from last year but he notices something else too. They aren’t scars? But what are they? Cyrus moves his boyfriends arm so he can inspect it a little more and notices that they are scratch marks. 

It was Wednesday which meant that TJ has his weekly therapy session. Today he had a lot to get off his chest. He felt like there was a big weight in the middle of his life and he didn’t know where it came from, and all he wanted to do was cut away the problems, figuratively, and sadly literally. He told this all to Sam as he listened intently. Sam suggest to paint on his arms or even write on his arms, or do something to get his fingers moving which wasn’t causing harm to himself. The next week TJ went in and asked if scratching yourself could be considered self harm, Sam nodded his head, all he can think is that he relapsed.

Cyrus gently looks at TJ’s emerald green eyes and says “look at me. It’s okay, it wasn’t a cut, it’s just a minor set back. You’re going to be okay I promise. It’s just a few scratches.” At this Cyrus pulls his phone out and texts Sam, he has his number for emergency purposes only. He takes a picture of TJ’s arm and sends it to him with a short message  
“He didn’t cut, which is a good thing but he did scratch hard enough to draw some blood. I’m here now and I’m probably spending the night. I texted his parents and let them know, but I wanted to let you know too. He’s safe now, but if there is anyway he can get an appointment tomorrow, that would be incredible.” Cyrus phone vibrated a few short minutes later with a text from Sam  
“Cyrus, thank you so much for letting me know. He can come in at 9 am, you are welcome if he wants you there.” Cyrus tells this to TJ as he drinks his water and takes his ibuprofen. TJ lays downs, his head in Cyrus’s chest playing with fingers.  
“Cyrus. Thank you for being here for me. I know I’m a lot. I know you probably don’t want to love somebody with these issues, but I’m so lucky to have you. If you didn’t come when you did I don’t know what would’ve happened. I had glass everywhere.” Cyrus looks into his boyfriend's eyes  
“TJ I love you more than the world, I would do anything for you. It’s going to be okay. But let’s get some sleep. You have therapy at 9 tomorrow.” At this the two boys lay down, with Cyrus being the big spoon, and they fell asleep. When his parents got home later that night they looked into his sons room and realised how lucky they were to have Cyrus Goodman in their lives.


End file.
